Isolation Firsts

A Little Story

Something happened.

Somewhere between the adrenaline of crisis and the monotony of isolation I realised.

I mean it didn’t hit me like a bolt of lightning or a slap in the face but just crept up on me steadily.

From day one, no before day one, I can now see that something was happening. The need to call her constantly, message, interact, put in the groundwork in case this thing lasted longer than I could cope with and would need to get to her.

Need to hang about with her.
With them.

You see, alone as an adult with a small child is fun and special and unique.
But also.

Alone as an adult with a small child can feel incredibly lonely.
Especially in the lockdown, especially in the
quar-an-tine.
So I put in the groundwork as means of preparing, anticipating that sometime soon I would need her.

I’m happy I did.

‘Sometime soon’ happened sooner than I thought – sooner than I thought and not soon enough.

For reasons that will become clear in another (more important) piece of writing, I had to leave where we were and go somewhere else.

But secretly (rather obviously) I wanted to be with them anyway!

The telling truth of the matter.

Our needs as they show up in isolation.

Our needs showing us.

Telling us the truth: What we do, how we do it, who we are, how we cope.

When the options are there who is it that we need.

Who shows-up next to us.

An extreme situation – isolation.

But we can learn a lot

*
*
It is no surprise that I choose to be next to her.

Next to them in this chaos.

The 24/7 isolation deal.

Annoying My Big Sister.

But before we go too far let’s acknowledge the need to be strategic – very strategic – in all matters of lockdown.

That lockdown is

Tricky

Tricky

Tricky

If you go too soon, into lockdown etiquette that is; like an an enthusiastic baboon creating wee dance videos and baking three-times-a-day you are going to get hurt or burnout.

Or both.

Possibly both.

Probably both.

You see the first few weeks are snazzy – the big ones.

The biggies.

When we all find our feet.

And lose our heads.

Simultaneously fluctuating from authoritarian household order to anarchic chaos.

The rules of these times:
There are no rules.

Follow government guidelines and do your best, additionally close your eyes and hope for the best.

Mostly bide your time.

Be strategic.

Provide space for the others to find their bearings and lose their shit.

Succinctly – allow space for the ‘firsts.’

Allow time for the chaos to descend and settle then Zoom-in all smug and offering advice.

To help you understand the importance of intelligent waiting here I have provided a few examples ‘Isolation firsts’ as they may appear:

The first evangelical approach to home schooling.
Denial and the creation of a strict timetable. Colour-co-ordinated charts and a points system 🏅🌟

A hand-crafted monstrosity that will consume hours of time in creation to be pinned proudly on the main wall in the kitchen.

The first tearing down of the colour co-ordinated hand-crafted monstrosity; clearly the possessed response of the middle-child in a demonic rage about the school dinners.

The first over-zealous approach to home fitness; Lycra, spandex and Nikes lined up neatly on day one.
Alarms set for 6am.
Yoga videos, boxercise and body blast demos at the ready.

The first uncontrollable outbursts of swearing, foaming at the mouth and screaming:
‘I HATE yoga, boxercise and what the actual FUUUUCCKK IS BODYBLAST!’

The first of many ‘Googles’:
‘Yoga strain – should I call an ambulance?’

The first spontaneous garden campfire; intense shamanic chanting and ceremonious burning: ‘Burn in hell yoga mat!’

The first enthusiastic approach to daily family walks – plural – morning and evening.
Stress-inducing exploits to allow time for fresh air and for the children to go completely feral, throw stones at wandering sheep, wield huge sticks and chase one another up country lanes.

The first enthusiastic approach to couple’s ‘romantic’ walks (once a day) to allow time for fresh air and divorce papers to be subtly threatened:

‘Why are you walking like that? If I knew you actually walked like that, I would never have married you.’

The first individual emotional breakdown.
The distressing result of being unable to squeeze the last of the toothpaste from the tube.
Strange sobbing emanating from the bathroom:

‘Ahhhhh..why are you doing this? Please I beg you, just give me a little bit more…’

A scene so awkward even the gobbiest in the house will pretend not to notice.

The first inclines that last month’s hair job might not sustain.
The absence of root touch-ups forcing a confession of pulpit proportions:
‘sweetheart I know we have been married twenty-one years but it’s time to know I may not be a natural blonde’.

A truly toe-curling, cringeworthy performance you are blessed to have missed.

The first of five solid chocolate binges beginning with a little nibble of the first Easter egg and resulting in full-on face-planting mania. 🍫🍪
Chocolate-smeared in a onesie screaming:
‘Don’t you judge me!’ at the kids.🍩

The first pizza takeaway, stodgy jubilation and giddy excitement on the first, abject disappointment and tubby guilt by the third.

The first of innumerable covert operations to sneak the empty alcohol bottles into the recycling without the neighbours seeing.

A means of disguising isolation wine consumption and a sure sign that alcoholism may be closer than you think.

The first time catching the neighbours sneaking empty alcohol bottles into the recycling. A sure sign that alcoholism really is closer than you think.

The first of many mega fights.
Screams of:
‘WHO THE FUCK LEFT THE MILK OUT OF THE FRIDGE’ and ‘WHERE IS MY CHOCOLATE!!’ Resulting in fisticuffs by the bins.

AND
The first manic show of adoration:
‘SURPRISE! I know how much you love satsumas, so I decided to paint the whole house orange!’🍊

The FIRSTS.

You see there are many.

And although you will have had your own..

It is advisable to avoid others until you can be sure their firsts are over and you can employ a kind of cape crusader/superhero strategy.

Provide wisdom and save the day as it were.

A number of weeks into a lockdown situation should allow for this.

It is sufficient time.

So Zoom in, sweep-away the firsts, stand aside…
And wait..

For where there are Isolation Firsts you can bet your last Easter egg there will be seconds…

And thirds…

I wish you luck.